- untitled -

You do not, will not, know those lengths to
Which my efforts would reach to comfort you
Though it is that very reach from which you
Recoiled when once I tried to kiss you
There would be quiche and earl grey at
Vernal daybreak and though the seasons die
Autumn pies and vapors uplifting would sew
You into comfort with Newfoundland wool on your
Cool skin, nestled in the leaves of which my arms and core
The rooted trunk and branches
The wet morning cutting and crisp and streaming with sun through
Windows ajar, just so
Filling the spaces which hold clouds and possibility.

I did not intend this poem nor these words
Its total form or content
because what I intended is too intensely
Hateful and terrifying.

And within love for you I no longer wish to dwell
Yes just as unbidden
Its origin, likewise so
Its termination
Unbidden and at present persisting and so
I merely record the path and the wake
Neither much more my making as I only seek
To die as soon as possible to this
Envelope of experience which once I thought
To be a doorway -

Requisitions

Whensoever you require to
Rebelieve your beauty my time
Is unencumbered and it is
Yours wholly and even if
You dare not ask a mere
Suggestion will suffice if
We may establish a language of
Secret motions and motives
A cocked head for a light caress
Of conversation amid light company
A wink upthrown from a downward bowed face
Or more so
Skipped as might a pebble on a
Morningcalm lake -
So such distances measure
Requirement and fulfillment even
As no flesh might embrace -
Further still I'd venture but this
Of course you already know and if
In passing this particular notion
You are only in this line now presently
Aware:
Well then - be so aware.

This Very Wanton Act

I thought of myself today, a moment a go, (this very act being wanton and gross as accords our measures propriety):

I think of myself first as a human, seemingly so;

Next as a writer or musician of various resonant bodies

But as I enumerate the list of things which so declare 

The purposes for myself which I've found by accidence

Or purposeful introductions most treasured

(so many among many more being - 

  hunter of game, roller of dice and dealer of cards;

  swimmer of lengths of California pools amid midsummer glare heinously bright

  swatter of mosquitoes on lakeshores in Yosemite

  stalker of deer in forest parks

  smirk-addled golfer who'd rather (and did) turned carts in doughtnuts in the middle of night;

  reader of books all read like a dish devoured until the tongue's the only appropriate utensil

And likewise so many literal dishes enjoyed to an equally literal tantric degree - )

All the verbs I've employed, and the nouns I've enlivened with participation of my entire extension,

Among these though I've so rarely found, or

I've not found at all any declaration of the following things:

Man, 

American, 

Western pedigree

Though such things in analogue declare to represent me

So Abstractedly

As much as I from them recoil - 

And with a dead Germanic author, a freethinker born,

Behind me in the spiritual sense

Saying 'Such things, granfalloons

And as such do not entertain

Their salience as truth everlasting..'

And so as I did before, and now enforced thusly so by imaginings of a stranger now several years dead,

I find in myself the definition of motion

And those paths which coax out my clause

Of purpose and such, and other such things so grudgingly described in the full:

Though they not must be so

To retain their whole and incandescent loves

Which dovetailed in This Emptiness, Me - 

Brings forth to light the spacious made bright

And one whom to be known by your sight..

So be it - it goes. 

I Would Explore You

I Would Explore You

I would explore you

A deliberate and slow descent

As would a marinaut depths beneath the waves

Your atmospheres multiplied upon me and

Compounding with each breathe the measure of

A void which has no emptiness so

It does not pull one within it apart but compacts instead

With each breath you return the measure

I take of your pneumatic spirit 

I would explore you so 

As what is beyond just beyond fingertips

Stretched moments before climax of

Fatal intensity

So confines to vision grappling in time

What only imagination may touch 

So too would I explore

You and discover the motions of

Shadow upon your body between breaths

Played upon breast and collar and clavicle

Textured under cool fingers and hot breath

I would explore you

Texture you in those explorations and

Record in memory so deep it can never

Again be brought forth in any greater

Manner than a shudder of my own body

I would explore you 

And repeating those textures once endowed

In deed and in motion I would set out

From no homeland to which I would return

Uprooted and forever light upon you

Will your hot breath soften me to subtlety beneath your

Own textures of recollection or will you recall me 

When you shudder

Nightside Mountain and Its Dewsweat

I wish for a world compelled by -
Instead of facetious surplus -
Dangerous conviction and enthusiasms wherein a hint
Is an invitation bordering on a declaration of
Wanton demand
Illustrated with a tone and timbre

 'What happens in the mountains
  Stays in the mountains'

So say you and I'll not move
Nor test such words being as
We are in our world
Of expressive surplus
Of facetious values which reflexive value
Themselves above the physical indications to which
They imagine themselves to point
Wherein the sum total of desire is
Squandered for five seconds of
Wit which I'd so soon bury beneath
Sweat and motion though it seems I am
Out of my depth
Such directness
Humorless
Such humorlessness
Serious and such seriousness, this final attribute my
Greatest perversion among so many

 - I -

Occurred in isolation though, natural isolation
As I ennumerate the suggestions
One for one with your
Playful lips and words and expressive geometries
Your suggestions of our facetious
Amoresence I am bestruck by
The isolation in which my initial
Desires and understanding compel
And hence I speak in graphite
Scratches and tense fingers upon
Only dry paper for
More, and more is only to
Invite social incontinence
Most glorious so no
Matter how aggrieved by these
Facetious flirtations
Signs of friendship truly so I understand I am unappreciative and
Unwhole no
Matter how lightly tortured I
Shall remain tolerably natural
Within my isolation, only broken
By your unfortunate witnessing
Of my honesty - 

A Mouthful of Soil

A treeseed and a mouthful of
Soil is the kiss with which you
Lay upon our mutual departure
Working with hands your hands
As you do in times which tighten
Your brow and cheeks and
Breast

Tightness confines motions which in
Loose moments of which there are
   several which betray you
   which betray only your notions
   of what you are
Alone with no witness to such moments
You roll out acorns and chestnuts beneath
An old maple rolling pin
You leach the flours of their acrid browns
Teastaining the water which gathers below
In the tub where I lie for a moment
Elongated until deemed repulsive to
Neighbors or similarly intolerable
To your heart
You bathe me

Still as I lie in these teas and
My flesh is stained but
Who am I any more to be bothered and
Indeed who am I to speak of
This at all unless I am in fact
You and these thoughts
Which continue to occur even
As you dress my naked body
Are not bound by any ability of
Mine to think them and
They in their fleeting abstractions
Are dyed with your focus
Reverberating in confinement
 - your confining -

As the muscles in your face confine
The damwater which pulses with breaths and
Heartbeats
Explosions dulled beneath each breath
Knocking at places and parts internal
Parts small enough to ignore at
Least in the moment and
Your tight focus
Your dry flower
Its depth of field now
Vapid and thus infinite
So says the photographer which dimly persists within you
Its inattention -

I am ported, tanned and
Gutted
Up yon hill where we loved each other
Without shame beneath only sunlight
Or moonlight however the accidence of the occasion
Merited -

And dressed like ancient royalty borne likewise
In their solitudes to a pinpoint of light played
By a source deemed to be heavenly
In your own solitude
Eyes leathered over
 (did the neighbors break first or was it
  your dam?)
And your own eyes tight as with your visage
Entire but
The dam is leaking
Its fissures are showing
I am the vessel of your acorn floured hands
Those which rolled out with an implement of
The same woody flesh which my presence aims
To produce
Which I will restore by your effort
At your silent behest

It is our parting embrace even as our
Accessible distance decreases with
Every handful which blankets me
Though this is a gift to keep me cold
And not to tamp recovery of breath
And heartbeat -

Patting me into place for as
Long as the mountain will hold me
In the same shameless undersky embrace
Which once carried us together -

Print your sign the flesh of your
Sign selfsame which is a sign
None may forge but the security is
Knowing none would want to
In this rest
In this you rest
And continue rolling out flourcakes which
Bitter bite your tongue when the
Dam or rolling pin keeps its last
Utility from you you will know where
To go and it will be my
Parting nod
Merely so
Soundly so, roundly so -

Its incompleteness my last bit of
Honesty

These thoughts belong to neither of us and
So who is it
Who keeps them

And thus kept
Yon mountain
It floods.

Palau Perhentian Kecil no. 4; Intracellular Space

Her hands find me in
Each space
Crawling up my calf and prodding my
Knee into reflexion
She seeks something I have lost
Or misplaced within these confines and
Her fingers trace the path up my thigh
And examine my pelvis
She is rhythmic and deep and unconsciously
I am firm as always happens and
She laughs
Clucking in Thai for
She is not Malay having been
Brought here as much for her
Skill as the absence of inhibition
Which allows and compels it
I am beneath her fingertips
Transparent

Her fingers find my collar bone and
Throat still stiff
All over with locked nerves
She is tumbling through
Her fingers carve the knobs of
Unresolved days along the planes
Of fascia which hold me rigid
My whole body swollen with
Erotic tumescence eager to be
Unlocked and
Her fingers sand away these
Knots, an edge of a callus on
Her thumb which is her carpenter's plane and its
Decades many they are
Her weight likewise much
It is and wisely apportioned as she leans into her strokes and kneads
A driving force as she planes me
Soft and level and smooth
She toys with my ears and brow
Her fingers explore my lips and
Tongue
Finding lost combinations which
Hold me from everything
She creeps into my mouth, cavernous
One digit at a time until like a gaffed
Fish in her grasp her hands caress my throat
From within,
Her elbows widening my jaw
My eyes flickering as she is
Surgical in her diagnoses
She slips into me completely and I am
Paralyzed with another full form within my own
A am the skin she wears as she unfolds herself into my each and every limb and
Extension

Her dive into me complete and
She seeps
Into my marrow
Her fingers dissolves and like
Threads or tentacles flow outward
Infusing intracellular space
Outward from my cells and in sweeping
Brush-fronds like coral feathers she sweeps out
And out with
Gentle pressure
She sweeps my blood with her
Ten thousand feathery implements as she breathes
With me and converses freely with others who
Lie in remnants various in forgotten spaces only
She bears witness to
Beyond even memory

She withdraws slowly, I
Try to breathe through the cramps and withdrawn she
Shakes off a magnetic ash
Of inorganic matters which have
No baser denomination
Her fingers probe my pelvis and
She rolls me over limp like a rubber mannequin
Face down, flat
And folds towels across my oiled
Hind and thighs and leans
Her whole self upon my
Unrepentant joints

I pop

A toe at a time under her pull
And she kneads me at the
Waist and runs rings around
My anus with the pads of her
Fingers, widening me and at a
Wrist's depth I feel her caressing a frozen bladder and
Stroking my liver, warming it, my
Kidneys responding slowly and
She untangles my lymph
Its rivers commencing to their tasks once more
Of hormonal clarification

And an elbow in her fingers appear pressing outward within my belly
Reseating my sternum next as
Her second arm enters me
And gripping mt ribs she pulls
Herself through awakening mucous finally
Wakened and viscous
As her toes disappear my ribs her ladder-rungs
Upwards into me my tumescence
Is fulfilled in orgasm no longer
Mechanical as my understanding
Once condemned and
She is finished
I am emptied
Her, trickling out in drops
Strung together with a cohesion
Absent long
Long absent from a disjointed
Narrative to which she has
Restored my faithful articles
And objects and refreshed the
Distinction of my subject
She withdraws.

She laughs and clucks
And with two hands
Kisses my crown
Newly rejeweled.

Also - the ears, my ears
She reads the pressure
Behind my eardrums

She maps me out
Plying my skin with her palms
She spreads my scrotum between
A thumb and forefinger
Reading veins like
A fortuneteller
Seeking the cause of my
Catatonia

Taking my limp
 - I am catatonic -
Stamen between her lips she
Suckles me to stirring



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

As it were

Straight
Share a room
Learn to fuck, boys!
Don't tell me you won't
It's gay or whatever
Until you'll take the
Most revolting member
  (however defined)
of the
Opposite Sex
  (however defined)

You can't tell me
You're fucking straight
  (however defined)
Get on it
Get over sex and don't
Keep fucking over in that
Metaphoric sense
All those girls you feel
Justify your preferred inclination
  (you advertise it well)
Because you know they're after
Emotional eroticism and it's the
Consent and desire
That agreement and enthusiasm and chakra-gravity
  which drive
Them to your foundering enthusiasm
Get fucking over your randy
Self and take your mate and
Make Well, boys!

It'll be unattached
You'll think anyway
'Til you've left yourself with
The aftermath and the
Magnetism of your animal attractions
Which now create the
Opportunity for your
Emergent humanity.
As it were,
Sapiosexual
  (however defined
In its particulars)



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Palau Perhentian Kecil no.2; Call to Prayer

They sit
Brownskinned and oceansided
Music in the air
Black tangles of unwashed hair
Islamic scripts embossed in green and gold
On the wall beside a lit Carlsberg sign
Cans of Thai beer in hand
Green and gold its script
Speakerstacks in wooden cabinets
Sizable as any other fixture in the
House (the Bar which houses us)
No walls, a ceiling only and hanging
Electric lanterns in emptied
Bamboo shoots
Leaning on low tables
Soles rudely open and elbows
Rudely propping us up on the
Hewn and lacquered surface
Our offenses draw no
Declamation
Only
Another round of perspiring cans.



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Palau Perhentian Kecil no.3; Ablutions

Mine is an
Aggravation Unending - Eternal or simply Unrelenting
mended only by
A diet of fruit and yogurt
Fresh fish taken by hand
From the white surf
And grilled over brown rice and seared with
Coconut milk and dark vegetables -
The seasalt breeze.
Music helps.



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Soundly So

But they were
perhaps
Without any self at all
Masterful chameleons
Transparent
Wherever they go
They are
Perhaps
Impregnated with a syndrome
Defined once in Stockholm
Slavishly
Rabidly
Eager for conversion
Chasing down missionaries who
(Though it is their job)
Recoil fearfully at such enthusiasm
Whose own tamped-down
Doubts resurface in
Violent fits and without measure
Vomited outward at such
Pathetic displays of unfounded
Incredulous adorations



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Roundly So

They
Who praise what is common abroad in
Strange lands and
Loathe what detestable details exist
In humanity
Universally
But are schooled only in recognizing the
Details in their homeland
And thus let the strangeness of
Foreignness stun them
As much as acknowledging the
Unappreciated difficulty of
Life At Home
Denies (Lets them deny)
The meanness abroad and the
Loveliness of details in the state of
Their beginnings and becomings -

They are the Useless Persons
Who laud five-dollar cheap-plates
Because they cannot cook -
And simple transit because
Their embarcations are routine -
And cheap taxis because
They do not suffer the consequences
Of congestion
A city of millions paralyzed
By cheap taxis
Its skies sullied by those same
Taxis on the cheap
They do not
In their praise
Appreciate the full cost of
What they love because their
Credit is not assessed the fee

They do not know the debts of
Their adopted in-laws nor
Discuss important issues with
Those natives (yes they say natives)
And it is funny
Hilarious and
Tragic beyond assessment

(Here I - only I - do assess
 their credit a fee which
 shall remain an
 outstanding debt)

They too toss cigarettes streetside
Leave half-empty cans in the gutters
Become incontinent in those
Cheap and easy taxis and trains
And come to slumber through
Their waking days
In their adopted nativism
(Yes they say nativism)
They adopt the traits most
Lamentable of
Any people or place and write off
(The debt Outstanding!)
Their lapse with
Praise of
Culture.

And often
Almost always
When time or money or children finally
Demand of them
An accounting long ignored and borne
As a burden still
(Reality they say of it to give it weight)
They depart
Not having been party to the
Reality they left at Home.

Asian women age more gracefully
African skin better retains its oils
Korean girls are prettier
Koreans are naturally ugly
We need plastic surgery

Such things
The statements I have collected
No gross rule in or among any
Being rather expressions of discombobulation
The statements of the Homeless

Go ahead
Say it - I already know
It
I am
A mean fuck
Cruel bastard hypocrite
Finger pointer
Boxing your already deaf
Ears
(May they bleed!)
You'll miss nothing
Anyway.




February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Camera Obscura

They come to see him every night
Practiced fingers
Stroking and finessing
Typeset strokes and words flow
According to a military rhythm
A pianist might bore them
Hung up as they are on words
And so in the spotlight onstage
He types
His prose painted on a glowing
Projection
Practiced and rehearsed
Perhaps improvised from
Time to time
Always they cheer
When the gasps that follow his
Punctuation cease.



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Palau Perhentian Kecil, no. 1

The locals of any place are
Savage to outsiders
Especially so to those visiting under the auspice of
Appreciating That Which Is Common
To the locals
The locals of every place are
Undeserving of their mantle
Husbandry of the land and its fruits
Can only be left to outsiders just as
Appreciation of the common
Like a zen master
Only achieved with fresh eyes

They are envious and confused with
Greed at what
Outsiders
Fresh eyes
Will pay for -
Fruit
Grains
Moments in the forest
And afternoon on the beach
Their rhythm hijacked they are
Untrustworthy of their treasure
But
So too are any tourists untrustworthy
Unable to see their own land in the land with which
Fresh eyes declare to be different, they are an
Unsolvable equation
Hence the damnation which compels
Their unsated wandering
I have found my voice and it speaks
Through me and
It calls you all
It calls you all out
It is savage it must be savage and ruthless
To answer your abuses
Your monstrous
Nature
Your heartless mechanism itself a
process with no bounds or limits
Or restraint
And so I sing -



February 2012 Palau Perhentian Kecil, Malaysia

Epitaph

My heart plucks at strings
Which are the sentences, running in my
Thoughts of you running through my head
And my body resonates with
The melody of these strings
It is a joy that is as beautiful as it is
Unpredictable
No word calls it into being
These thoughts tune the melody of my body
And only eventually does a regular
Rhythm regain traction from this
Frenetic melody
The nervous joy of which is
Its beauty and uncertainty
I listen and I know it already
But it is a strange song
I am only learning to sing